Relationships

Relationships can impact our mental and physical health. Positive and supportive relationships will help us to feel healthier, happier, and more satisfied with our lives.

Making friends isn't always easy for children and young people. Childline provides some tips to help.

Liggy Webb, a specialist in the field of modern life skills, has the following 8 tips to help develop more positive and healthy relationships in all areas of life.

• Ensure the relationship is a positive one.
• Accept and celebrate the fact that we are all different.
• Actively listen to hear what other people have to say.
• Give people time and “be present” when you are with them.
• Develop and work on your communication skills.
• Manage mobile technology and be aware of its pitfalls.
• Learn to give and take constructive feedback.
• Open your heart and find the courage to trust.
• Learn to be more understanding.
• Treat people as you would like to be treated yourself

For relationships to flourish your mental and emotional wellbeing is important.

It is also equally important that you:

• exercise and be active
• eat healthy
• avoid drugs, drink less and stop smoking.

If you choose to be in a relationship with someone, it should be a positive experience. It won't be perfect every day - all relationships go through ups and downs -but it should be fun and help you feel good about yourself.

A relationship should never feel like a burden. It should just feel like an extension of the relationship you have with yourself. If you maintain a good relationship with you, then the person who reflects you should simply add to your life, not subtract from it.

When your relationship is making you unhappy, you might want to consider seeking help.

• Family Lives supports parents to have happier relationships, happier families and a stronger society.
• Contact a Family provide information, advice and support for families with disabled children. 
• Relate offer support to help you with your couple and family relationships, parenting, separation and divorce, help for children, young people, young adults and self help tools. 

Mediation is a way of resolving disputes and improving relationships between people who come into regular contact with each other such as neighbours, family members, students, work colleagues, business customers, and businesses.

• Thames Valley Family Mediation and Mediation Buckinghamshire offer family mediation.
• When there have been arguments at home between young people and family members, Room to Talk mediators can help by giving all those involved a safe space to talk and listen to each other and plan for the future.

You or your family members might want to talk about your worries and problems and get support.

• Slough Young Carers offer advice, support and a break for 8 to 19 year olds in Slough. 
• Number 22 in Maidenhead and Youth Talk in Windsor provide free and confidential counselling primarily to young people aged 12 to 25 and those who care for them through an appointment-based service for as long as they need it.
• Youthline provide a free, confidential counselling service for young people attending secondary school, and young adults up to the age of 25.  
• Kooth is a free online service that offers emotional and mental health support for children and young people. Kooth is suitable for children and young people aged 11 to 19 (25 in some areas).
• Talking Therapies is a friendly and approachable service that help adults aged 17+ living in Berkshire to overcome life’s difficulties and problems and manage them better.
• Samaritans offer a safe place for you to talk  anytime you like, in your own way – about whatever’s getting  to you.

Befriending makes a real difference to people's lives, often at a time of change, people need support of another person to help them through a difficult time.

If you or someone that you know are feeling lonely or isolated and would benefit from personalised support, Building Futures Together offer support.

Whatever your worry or problem, there is support and help.

If you feel you need further support, please contact the Family Information Service on 01753 476589 or email FIS@slough.gov.uk for help and signposting to local and national services.

Bullying is repeated behaviour with the intention to hurt someone either emotionally or physically, and is often aimed at certain people because of their race, religion, gender or sexual orientation or any other aspect such as appearance or disability.

It can take many forms such as:

• physical
• verbal
• sexual
• homophobic
• cyber bullying - bullying through a mobile phone or online (eg by email, instant messenger or on social network sites).

Bullying can happen anywhere:

• at school
• travelling to and from school
• in sporting teams
• between neighbours
• in the workplace.

The impact bullying has on children and young people can be drastic, but there are many things you can do to support your child and protect them from harm.

• Bullying UK provides practical tips to help you deal with bullying and its associated issues such as online safety, schooling, raising self-esteem and encouraging positive behavior.
• Kidscape offer support and advice to children, parents, schools and those in professional contact with young people to enable them to gain knowledge and develop the confidence and skills to challenge abuse and bullying in all its forms.
• Childline provides support with bullying, tips to cope with bullying and to build your confidence.

Check for signs that your child is being bullied and what you can do to support your child.

Domestic abuse

Sometimes relationships go really well and other times unfortunately people can hurt and make each other unhappy. Are you are worried about yourself or a friend and not sure if they are being abused by their partner?

You can contact the following services for support.

• In an emergency call 999 immediately.
• In an non emergency, call 101.
• Report a child at risk through the Slough Children First - 01753 875362.
• Report suspected adult abuse through Slough Borough Council Adult Social Care Service - 01753 475111 (option 1).
• National Domestic Abuse helpline – 0808 2000247.

Check:

• our domestic abuse pages for support
• NSPCC website for tools and guidance for parents and families.

Rape & sexual assault

• The Solace Centre (SARC) provides local communities with a safe, discreet and caring environment to support victims of rape and sexual assault
• Refuge - Thames Valley Independent Sexual Violence Advisory Service (ISVA) supports anyone living in the Thames Valley area who has experienced, or is at risk of experiencing, sexual assault or rape.

Female Genital Mutilation (FGM)

If you are worried about FGM and need support check:

• Female Genital Mutilation Helpline - NSPCC 
• Female Genital Mutilation Helpline - Foundation for Women's Health Research and Development.

Victims of Crime

• Victims First is dedicated to making sure that all victims of crime receive the support they need to cope and recover from the impact of their crime.
• Victim Support supports victims of crime.
• SAFE support for Young People Affected by crime.

Stalking

• The National Stalking Helpline - 0808 802 0300 provides advice and support for those being stalked and harassed.

Honour Based violence and forced marriage

• Forced Marriage Unit - Governement guidance and helpline on forced marriage and honour based violence.
• Karma Nirvana - Honour Based Violence & Forced Marriage Helpline – guidance, support and helpline for those seeking help around forced marriage and honour based violence.  They can be reached via telephone on 0800 5999 247 or via email or post through their website.

Refuge provides the following information:

It takes strength to admit that you are hurting / abusing your partner. If you really want to change, you can. 

Violence is learned behaviour. You can unlearn it – but you will only be successful if you can:

• accept responsibility for the abuse. You cannot blame your actions on your partner, or on drink, drugs, stress or work
• accept that the abuse comes from your desire to control your partner. Understand the ways you control her and why you behave like this
• realise that you have a choice. You choose to be violent or abusive, and you can choose not to be
• accept that your partner has a right to live her own life without being dominated and controlled
• stop using anger, violence, and other abusive behaviours to control your partner
• seek help from professionals. Start by talking to your GP, who can refer you to a perpetrator programme.

Respect Phoneline is a confidential helpline, email and webchat service for perpetrators of domestic violence looking for help to stop.

Relationships sometimes end up in breaking up and you might consider getting a legal separation or a divorce.

• Find details on separating or divorcing: what you need to do on GOV.UK.

Even if it’s your decision, to break up, it’s normal to feel a whole range of emotions including, anger, regret, anxiety, relief.

You’ll probably feel sad and miss things about your ex. 

You may not believe it right now but however awful you feel at this moment, you won’t continue to feel this bad forever. The following services offer support.

• Brook provides tips for under 25s to cope with the aftermath of a breakup.
• You can discuss your current situation with a trained counsellor at Relate. If you have children, it’s vital that your break-up goes as smoothly as possible to minimize the impact on them. 
• Family Lives provides information on how divorce affects your children and ways you can help them through the process. 
• Coram Child Law Advice Line provides free legal advice and information on all aspects family, child and education law affecting children and families.
• CAFCASS offers information on child arrangements after divorce and separation.

Divorce and separation are difficult to explain to children. Most often children feel they are to blame for the situation.

Children's books such as:

• 'Standing on my own two feet - a child's affirmation of love in the midst of divorce' by Tamara Schmitz
• 'Was it the chocolate pudding? - a story for little kids about divorce' by Sandra Levins
• 'What in the world do you do when your parents divorce? - a survival guide for kids' by Kent Winchester

help to address these issues and reassure your child.

When relationships break down it is often difficult to talk to each other.

• Thames Valley Mediation and Mediation Bucks provide help on reaching an agreement on financial and parenting issues.

Any relationship break down can affect other areas of your life. 

• Gingerbread the charity for single parent families provide expert advice and practical support on childcare, child contact, benefits, housing for single mums and dads.
• Citizen Advice Bureau provides advice on marriage and civil partnership, child maintenance, benefits, housing, work, debt and money. 

When a loved one develops a serious illness or dies, you go through a multitude of emotions.

You feel sorrow, anxiety, anger, acceptance, depression, denial.

• Helpguide.org has information on coping with the terminal illness of a loved one, support with saying goodbye and the grief and loss of a loved one.
• Citizen Advice Bureau explains what you need to do after someone has died, including who to inform and how to arrange the funeral. You can also find help with what to do about the person’s financial affairs and their will.

Find services to support you in your bereavement.